5 Reasons Why Eating Jello Isn't The Best Idea

Dear Reader,

Jello is an epidemic sweeping the nation. Its vile texture and ugly taste is the new terrorist. We need to cleanse our planet of the horrible food. I urge you as a human being to consider these 5 points.


1) You May Explode. This creates a problem for whoever cleans your house, most likely your mom. Jello is very messy and quite hard to clean out of carpet, curtains and other cloth product you may find inside the home.

2) Jello Causes Cancer! It is a proven fact that eating Jello period, is the number one leading cause of Cancer. I met this guy once that had a nice bowl of jello and the next day he visited the doctor and found out he had cancer. Coincidence? I think not.

3) Jello = Infertility. Everyone wants to have kids, repopulation is important. We dream of all the things we will do and all the places we will go with our kids. Now imagine your wife is in labour and the baby finally is delivered. Then, you are shocked to find out that your baby is covered in a thick coat of lime Jello. Your new born child will be teased for the rest of his or her life. Do Your really want your child to go through that? So it is best to avoid doing the nasty if you are a Jello eater because your kids will hate you for it.

4) Eating Jello causes sex change. There is a popular nusery ryme that states: "If you eat Jello, you'll no longer be a fellow." or in a womans case: "If you eat Jello, you will become a fellow." 90% of the population is completely satisfied with the gender that God created them to be, so if you eat jello all your satisfaction may disapear. For the 10% that are not so happy about their reproductive organs, I urge you to eat Jello!

5) Jello is the real cause of global warming. The government has been trying to hide the public from the fact that carbon emition is not the real reason why the polar icecaps are melting and why your mom now wheres a string bikini in the summer. The actual truth is that when you consume Jello it has to go somewhere. Once digested the Jello will ooze from your pores in the form of a gas. this gas is called Jelliton Oxide. Jelliton Oxide is depleting the Ozone layer and causing global warming. Do you really want to hop on that band wagon?

Top 3 Things Not To Say During An Akward Silence

#3) I love to pop pimples, I get such a big rush from watching the puss ooze out.

#2) You remind me off my fish... he doesn't talk either.

#1) Well, I believe that your mother is calling me....I guess we can continue this conversation later.


Criteria is based on Awkwardness in a completely dead silent situation where only two people are present.


Use #1 if you are wanting to get slapped.
Use #2 if you are wanting to get water poured on your head
Use #3 if you are a creeper

Have Fun = )

Poetry For The Un-Poetic

Body aches from over extension
Repetition without remorse
Moments of apprehension
Self discipline a must

Lined against the mirrored walls
Reflections of pain

From Helen C. Downey's "Tears of Triumph"



This poem advocates a sombre feeling. This poem perfectly links to Chief's experience inside the ward. Every day he is forced through the same routine. He is forced to stare at himself and be constantly reminded that he is not good enough to be in the real world. Chief may be mentally disabled but, he is able to function as a human being. The nurse is the dictator of the ward; prescribing a daily dosage of abuse and repetition. No one dares question her ways, except for chief, though he doesn't express himself verbally. Throughout the book his views on the way the ward is run become apparent. His is just lined up day after day and forced to stare at his reflection; an image that inflicts horrific amounts of pain on his soul.

The entire poem "Tears of Triumph" can be read at: http://www.authorsden.com/visit/viewPoetry.asp?id=184859