5 Reasons Why Eating Jello Isn't The Best Idea

Dear Reader,

Jello is an epidemic sweeping the nation. Its vile texture and ugly taste is the new terrorist. We need to cleanse our planet of the horrible food. I urge you as a human being to consider these 5 points.


1) You May Explode. This creates a problem for whoever cleans your house, most likely your mom. Jello is very messy and quite hard to clean out of carpet, curtains and other cloth product you may find inside the home.

2) Jello Causes Cancer! It is a proven fact that eating Jello period, is the number one leading cause of Cancer. I met this guy once that had a nice bowl of jello and the next day he visited the doctor and found out he had cancer. Coincidence? I think not.

3) Jello = Infertility. Everyone wants to have kids, repopulation is important. We dream of all the things we will do and all the places we will go with our kids. Now imagine your wife is in labour and the baby finally is delivered. Then, you are shocked to find out that your baby is covered in a thick coat of lime Jello. Your new born child will be teased for the rest of his or her life. Do Your really want your child to go through that? So it is best to avoid doing the nasty if you are a Jello eater because your kids will hate you for it.

4) Eating Jello causes sex change. There is a popular nusery ryme that states: "If you eat Jello, you'll no longer be a fellow." or in a womans case: "If you eat Jello, you will become a fellow." 90% of the population is completely satisfied with the gender that God created them to be, so if you eat jello all your satisfaction may disapear. For the 10% that are not so happy about their reproductive organs, I urge you to eat Jello!

5) Jello is the real cause of global warming. The government has been trying to hide the public from the fact that carbon emition is not the real reason why the polar icecaps are melting and why your mom now wheres a string bikini in the summer. The actual truth is that when you consume Jello it has to go somewhere. Once digested the Jello will ooze from your pores in the form of a gas. this gas is called Jelliton Oxide. Jelliton Oxide is depleting the Ozone layer and causing global warming. Do you really want to hop on that band wagon?